| In talking with a coaching client recently, | | | | algebra (a subject I could never see much use |
| she made a statement about a negative habit | | | | for anyway!)Listen to yourself today. Where |
| followed by these words: "that's just who I | | | | have you defined yourself and then aligned |
| am." I challenged her to re-examine what she | | | | your behavior with that definition? "I'm fat. |
| had said. In fact, the truth was, she had a | | | | I'm lazy. I'm no good at public speaking. I'm |
| habit, but it was no more "who she is" than | | | | disorganized. I'm sick and tired of X." The |
| to say that the package your food comes in is | | | | examples are everywhere. Our language about |
| the food. It is the package. It may represent | | | | our situations reveals whether we've |
| the food or cover the food, but it isn't the | | | | acknowledged a condition or adopted a |
| food. And therein lies a key distinction. I | | | | definition. Realize that a condition is |
| challenge you this week to examine whether | | | | usually temporary. Create some space around |
| you have given power (identity) to something | | | | it by simply noticing how you've allowed it |
| that is actually a condition rather than a | | | | to define you. Oh yes, and notice how much |
| definition of who you are.Listen for how | | | | judgement you're carrying around about |
| often in casual conversations we associate | | | | yourself over whatever condition you've |
| our identity with something we do or don't | | | | adopted as a definition. When you can get to |
| do. "I'm just disorganized" becomes the | | | | the point where you simply notice, "Oh I've |
| definition of who I am instead of a | | | | gained 5 pounds," without wrapping an |
| description of a messy desk. "I'm sick," | | | | identity of "I'm fat" around it, you're free |
| becomes part of my identity rather than the | | | | to choose a set of behaviors that produces a |
| truer statement, "I have X condition." A | | | | different set of conditions for you.Learn to |
| condition doesn't have to possess you, unless | | | | distinguish between conditions and |
| you wrap your identity around it. When you | | | | definitions. Beware of definining who you are |
| do, you automatically ascribe power to that | | | | in terms of habits or behaviors. Refuse to |
| condition that it doesn't have. You'll hear | | | | allow your identity to be limited by a |
| this powerlessness come out in statements | | | | limited condition. It can be the beginning of |
| such as, "I'm no good at..." or "When I get | | | | a very real place of peace and choice in your |
| X, then I can truly be happy or satisfied." | | | | life. And as always, enjoy the |
| In other words we delay "being" happy or | | | | journey.Betty*********************** |
| satisfied until some future time when a | | | | |
| certain condition is met. In truth, if we | | | | Quote of the Week |
| can't be happy or satisfied right now, no | | | | |
| condition in the future will make us any more | | | | ***********************"The Master observes |
| so.In 5th grade, my male teacher told me I | | | | the world but trusts his inner vision. |
| (because I was a girl) wasn't good at math. | | | | |
| From that point forward, I unconsciously | | | | He allows things to come and go. His heart |
| adopted "I'm not good at math" as part of my | | | | is open as the sky." ~~Lao-TzuBetty Mahalik |
| identity. And sure enough, I struggled in | | | | has been coaching small business owners, |
| every math class from then on. It caused me | | | | independent professionals and leaders who |
| other problems as I grew up and convinced | | | | want to achieve more but stress less, since |
| myself that "not being good at math" also | | | | 1996. Her background includes several years |
| meant I couldn't balance my checkbook. That's | | | | in the broadcasting and public relations |
| because the moment we give something an | | | | fields prior to starting her own firm in |
| identity in ourselves, we begin to align | | | | 1987. She is an accomplished public speaker |
| "reality" to concur with that picture. A more | | | | and corporate trainer specializing in |
| accurate statement of my math proficiency | | | | communications, goal-setting and leveraging |
| might have been to say that I had the ability | | | | your strengths. Since 2001, she has written a |
| to handle concrete mathematical problems but | | | | weekly motivational message, free to |
| was challenged by conceptual mathematics like | | | | subscribers, titled Monday Morning Coach. |